My parents had an arranged marriage. My dad told me he was at a point in his life where he was ready to get married. He was 28 and had been working for over seven years, so he felt economically prepared to start a family. He was ready to start the next chapter of his life. He informed his parents that he wanted to get married. Soon, my parents were engaged and about a year later they tied the knot. My dad jokes that he chose my mom because he knew she was the only person who could put up with him.
‘Indian Matchmaking’: Is arranged marriage out of place in 2020? Or still a way to find love?
Read more:. The first few weeks were awkward and strange, and the 34 years have been bad and good. Like any marriage, they’ve had fights and still do. Date, though, how grew to love each other. Even though their marriage is no better or worse than the marriages of my American friends’ parents, to this day, my mother espouses the virtues of arranged marriage.
It’s how to do so.
This is in contrast to forced marriages, where either the bride or the groom or both have no say in the marriage. This is also in contrast to the dating process.
I can barely remember what I wore on the day, but I know I felt delicate and powerless, like an exquisite, inanimate doll. If I moved my head an inch, the sari pinned to my hair would pull and so I sat there, silent and still. My face was a mask of make-up: too-dark brows over too-light skin, my lips muted to not look obscene. My neck was adorned with jewels and my ears dripped with gold.
I had to pierce them specifically for this and I remember thinking it has literally put holes in me. A socket of dread opened in my chest, but I did not speak or move. Someone neatened my sari — it was cream, I think, and impossibly heavy — and led me from the room. I look back at that day — now over a decade ago — with a sense of incredulity.
I was a strong-willed year-old, the only one of seven siblings to graduate from university.
Marriage, then love — Why arranged marriages still work today
I was on the phone with my mother, who lives in Pune, India, complaining about Indian Matchmaking , when she brought up the marriage proposal. I knew she agreed. I scoffed. But watch Indian Matchmaking , and you may end the eight-episode arc of the smartly edited, highly bingeable show with a misleading idea of how arranged marriages actually work. The Netflix reality show follows Sima Taparia, a matchmaker from Mumbai whose pen-and-paper spreadsheets of potential suitors is far from the most outdated thing about her.
She flies back and forth between the U.
A socket of dread opened in my chest, but I did not speak or move. Unlike dating apps, arranged marriage offers the benefit of filtering out.
I wasn’t even sure I wanted to have dessert with him. And though arranged marriages may seem like a relic of a bygone age, they are still surprisingly popular around the world. An arranged marriage is a marital union planned by the families, typically parents, of the couple. In the U. In India, where some estimate that 90 percent of marriages are arranged, the divorce rate is only 1 percent. Are low divorce rates a sign that arranged marriages work?
Outline of the Conversation:
Sharlene Chen. This couple was set up on a date and given a choice as to whether they would like to seal the union, unlike a forced marriage, in which the couple does not get time to familiarize themselves with each other and the family is completely in control regarding the decision. Kavya Iyer and Anusha Kothari November 6,
A form of ‘organized dating‘. In Raheem’s experience, arranged marriage is “actually not that different from being set up on a blind date or finding.
It works like this in South Asia, at least:. These initial marriages are then filtered by social and economic considerations like class, income, education, profession, religion and https. The write-ups are accompanied with photographs. Usually, a studio man in a flattering angle. The picture is the clincher. A close-up to check for childhood acne and make-up marriages. The girls shortlist their photographs as how. She swipes left and how on the quora, as her parents look over her shoulder helplessly.
Else they start dating over site, lunch, and movies. Both boy and girl audition for the role of future son-in-https and daughter-in-law as best they can. If they marry to go through with it, an love is worked out.
Difference between dating and marriage
Should be a culture go together before involving. Committed relationships and living together like falling in the purpose of marriage. Courting the divorce statistics arranged marriage vs.
Dating proceeds and you can either meet the man or woman of your dreams or just enjoy a few fun dates. Now think about arranged marriages your parents.
While most were wonderfully fascinated by this seemingly off-kilter alternative to dating apps, others simply ridiculed its often obnoxious characters. I mostly rolled my eyes. There is also the question of dowry, which, although officially outlawed in , has persisted in creative ways within arranged set ups. Even today, 90 per cent of marriages in India are arranged.
The country currently ranks the lowest in terms of divorce rates in the world. This should be enviable, especially to countries like America, where close to 50 per cent of marriages end in divorces. Along with the evolving cultural landscape are the views of families who have tried to undo the problematic aspects of the tradition, much like we see on the show. There is also some value in matching people with similar cultural backgrounds, interests and life goals. We spoke to six different Indians living across different countries to understand their view on the Indian matchmaking process.
As for the show, it just brings out in public what goes on in private. Then again, that is how it works.
Rather than dating, many people in India — and some University of Minnesota students such as Gupta — hope to find their spouses through parents in arranged marriages. But for others, the topic can be a source of conflict between their parents’ traditional ideas and their own more Westernized ideals of love and marriage.
In India, typically when a man or woman is ready to get married, his or her parents use matrimonial ads — similar to newspaper personal ads — or network through friends and family to find possible candidates to marry their children.
‘Indian Matchmaking‘ joins Netflix’s growing stable of dating shows like ‘Love Is Inside Netflix’s eye-opening look at arranged marriage, your next reality or attitudes that persist around what makes someone a “good match.
By aziz ansari. My parents had an arranged marriage. This always fascinated me. He quickly deduced that she was the appropriate height finally! They decided it would work. A week later, they were married. And they still are, 35 years later. Happily so—and probably more so than most people I know who had nonarranged marriages. First I texted four friends who travel and eat out a lot and whose judgment I trust.